Is the grass always greener on the other side? The answer is no. It isn't. You think what you have isn't good, but then you want something else. Then you realize, wow, what I had earlier wasn't all that bad. I guess it's just a way that you learn about life and this is a lesson that you go through in life.
I'm going to get off topic for a while and talk about something else. I got another question. Can you teach an old dog new tricks? I've heard many females say that they want to, and can change their man. Is that really possible. Check it out. You can't change anyone. They are who they are, that's it. What you can do is to make them change for you, but that's not your decision. That'll be up to them. What can make a person change their ways for someone else though, can love do it? That's something to think about. Well, if you can't change a person, can you make them at least enlighten them about certain aspects in life that you have been priveledged/blessed to recieve enlightenment in. I think this is very possible. In a relationship two people should grow together and in that process of growing, the two of you should become more and more like each other (or more and more less like each other in some cases). Some things will rub off of her and vice-versa.
In order to accomplish this feat of helping someone grow as a person, one thing is first and foremost. They must be wanting to grow and make a change. The person has to be willing to absorb the growth they are about to witness. I think this is the problem with growth in a relationship. Now as I talk about growth in a relationship, there should also be growth in the fact that you should notice one's weaknesses. If one person is not good at something or can't do something, the next person should be willing, ready, and waiting to pick that person up and carry them the rest of the way if need be. A lot of people talk about strictly defined male/female roles and I agree for the most part, but they should be submissive to each other and work toward a common goal. If my wife is working late and I know she won't be home to cook dinner, I'll cook dinner, or vice versa. Is this wrong of me to think this way? I've been told that it is. I really don't care to be honest though... this is the type of relationship that I want. If I can't hold down the fort, I need someone to have my back when I'm in need, and when we're both in need, we can both call on God for strength, together...
I don't know where I went with this, but the original topic stands.. the grass is not always greener on the other side... unfortunately. Everyone has good things and bad things about them. Which traits are most important to you is the real question... Ummm.....
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
Tuesday, November 8, 2005
Reciprocity
Reciprocity... This word was introduced today in the terms of in a relationship. Let me start off by giving you a definition...
rec·i·proc·i·ty:
n. pl. rec·i·proc·i·ties
1) A reciprocal condition or relationship.
2) A mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges, especially the exchange of rights or privileges of trade between nations.
Don't we all wish we could have this in a relationship! I've had it a few times, I must admit, but it seems to never last long. It seems to only be in that "impress" stage in a relationship. That "impress" stage is when you first meet someone and they can do no wrong. You may see traits in them that you might not like, but you are blinded by them. Later on as you get more comfortable, you start speaking your mind on things, then things go downhill from there. But anyways... back to reciprocity.
If you still don't understand what this is, it's this... you get what you put in... Relates back to the old Golden Rule adage, "Do onto others as you wish them to do onto you" or however it goes. But, the problem is that people in the world today are lazy... they want something for nothing. Through my pledge process I was taught that anything worth having, is worth working for, so I worked hard for my letters b/c they were, are, and will be very worthy to me.
In relationships, put in what you want out of it. Practice this "reciprocity." It will make for a happier relationship and more full-filling relationship. Also, remember this, don't start nothing that you can't finish. If you start off by sending a dozen of rozes every Friday at 12:00, you better keep doing it. If you start off by giving your man foot rubs every day after work, don't stop. Never start nothing that you can't keep up. As soon as things cease, feelings will be brought up. Anyways, ya'll have a good day...
rec·i·proc·i·ty:
n. pl. rec·i·proc·i·ties
1) A reciprocal condition or relationship.
2) A mutual or cooperative interchange of favors or privileges, especially the exchange of rights or privileges of trade between nations.
Don't we all wish we could have this in a relationship! I've had it a few times, I must admit, but it seems to never last long. It seems to only be in that "impress" stage in a relationship. That "impress" stage is when you first meet someone and they can do no wrong. You may see traits in them that you might not like, but you are blinded by them. Later on as you get more comfortable, you start speaking your mind on things, then things go downhill from there. But anyways... back to reciprocity.
If you still don't understand what this is, it's this... you get what you put in... Relates back to the old Golden Rule adage, "Do onto others as you wish them to do onto you" or however it goes. But, the problem is that people in the world today are lazy... they want something for nothing. Through my pledge process I was taught that anything worth having, is worth working for, so I worked hard for my letters b/c they were, are, and will be very worthy to me.
In relationships, put in what you want out of it. Practice this "reciprocity." It will make for a happier relationship and more full-filling relationship. Also, remember this, don't start nothing that you can't finish. If you start off by sending a dozen of rozes every Friday at 12:00, you better keep doing it. If you start off by giving your man foot rubs every day after work, don't stop. Never start nothing that you can't keep up. As soon as things cease, feelings will be brought up. Anyways, ya'll have a good day...
Monday, October 31, 2005
Let The Truth Be Told
Today has been a most interesting day. Have you ever been in a predicament where you think something is going on behind your back, or have the feeling like you don't know thewhole story... My feelings all came to a head today when I found out that I didn't know the exact truth about a particular subject. It was with a young lady. Well, so I did the wrong thing (or did I?) and ask the question again, and I got the same answer I got the first time. I then got a call after two hours of going back and forth on the phone giving me the truth, or near truth. Now, the question is this. Can you trust someone who has lied to you before. A wise man by the name of H-Dub always told me, "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me." I'm trying hard not to get to that 2nd fool me. Brings up another topic, is Ignorance really Bliss?
"Ignorance is Bliss." To some this is a true statement. I'm the type of person that would rather know, and then just move on from that point. You always hear people say, "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Maybe I'm just dumb to always ask those questions. It just seems too simple. Someone asks a question, and you answer it truthfully. Is the world forever doomed to live in a "fake" world where you don't know what truth is. Don't know who someone really is, don't know who you really are? That's deep. I guess the choice is really yours. But I guess it depends on the person too. I like to keep it "real", so I expect the same in return. Simple.
I might as well "keep it real" to myself then. I'm going to be honest... it's all true. Ignorance is bliss. What you don't know, won't hurt you. It's sad that it had to be this way, but it's true. You can worry about things all you want, but as long as you don't know the truth, it won't hurt you. Maybe if I just let things go sometimes and don't go down rabbit holes, I'll be in a much happier state right now.
"Ignorance is Bliss." To some this is a true statement. I'm the type of person that would rather know, and then just move on from that point. You always hear people say, "Don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to." Maybe I'm just dumb to always ask those questions. It just seems too simple. Someone asks a question, and you answer it truthfully. Is the world forever doomed to live in a "fake" world where you don't know what truth is. Don't know who someone really is, don't know who you really are? That's deep. I guess the choice is really yours. But I guess it depends on the person too. I like to keep it "real", so I expect the same in return. Simple.
I might as well "keep it real" to myself then. I'm going to be honest... it's all true. Ignorance is bliss. What you don't know, won't hurt you. It's sad that it had to be this way, but it's true. You can worry about things all you want, but as long as you don't know the truth, it won't hurt you. Maybe if I just let things go sometimes and don't go down rabbit holes, I'll be in a much happier state right now.
Friday, October 28, 2005
The Friday Frenzy : Are You Doing Enough?
Today's topic is about: enough...
When is enough, enough? Many have pondered this question and it is one of those question that you don't have the answer to. Let me start it off by talking about your purpose in life and what makes you happy.
Many people have the bomb job.. nice houses, nice cars, etc... From the outside they have the perfect life. Some people are content with this perception, but others want more out of life. Not material things or want more financially, but they have this inner desire to do more for others, for the community. Help boost the morale of someone, make someone smile. The desire to help others. Am I doing enough? No, but I want to do more. I have a few ideas of things I want to do in the community, b/c to be honest, the Lowcountry needs help. But back to the topic, when you start doing things for the betterment of mankind, when is enough good enough? If you help tutor some kids at a local high school once a week, is that enough? Or should you do it Monday - Friday after you have been off of work all day? Is that enough or too much?
I think it's enough when you feel like your workload has been done. If you taking the time out to call an elder in the family to check on them or if you just take them dinner, or whatever will make you feel good inside, that's when it's enough. It can vary from person to person, but only you know how much you can do, and what will make you feel content with what you are doing. You know sometimes you do things, but don't feel content.. you think in your mind.. I could have done more... I could have went to Bible study, I could have stayed around longer, etc... Now, after thinking about it... This is about to take a turn.. :-)
new update... I think you can do enough but still have thoughts that you haven't done enough. I think that is just the human way of thinking. You could take your significant other out for dinner and still think, "I hope he/she likes this... I hope they are enjoying it.." As human, I guess we always second guess our actions. We always want to know the answer to the question we can't answer, "WHAT IF".
"What if" I would have dated that guy/girl in HS that liked me ...
"What if" I majored in ...
"What if" I took that job in ...
On the topic of what if... I think some people need to just accept life for what it is. If you are living and are healthy, and are in good situations, be thankful. Ignorance is bliss. You might not want to see yourself if you went down the other road. That's one thing with life, you are on the road, come to a fork, and take a right, but life gives you the knowledge to build your own side street and you might end up where the left turn would have brought you out at..
But back to "what if"... I'm a scientific type guy, so I'm gonna bring out a phenomena called the "Butterfly Effect". :-) If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about. The Butterfly Effect is a major concept in Chaos Theory. It encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. In English terms, it is possible for the flap of a butterfly's wings in Tahiti to trigger a Kansas tornado. But in reference to what if.. if you change something in the past, due to the initial conditions and the dependence on chronological events, everything you know now will change. Deep....
Enough rambling for today. I also want to say thanks for guests who have been posting comments. I didn't know people actually read what I write, but I guess they do. Thank you, Thank you.. you're far too kind...
BWright
When is enough, enough? Many have pondered this question and it is one of those question that you don't have the answer to. Let me start it off by talking about your purpose in life and what makes you happy.
Many people have the bomb job.. nice houses, nice cars, etc... From the outside they have the perfect life. Some people are content with this perception, but others want more out of life. Not material things or want more financially, but they have this inner desire to do more for others, for the community. Help boost the morale of someone, make someone smile. The desire to help others. Am I doing enough? No, but I want to do more. I have a few ideas of things I want to do in the community, b/c to be honest, the Lowcountry needs help. But back to the topic, when you start doing things for the betterment of mankind, when is enough good enough? If you help tutor some kids at a local high school once a week, is that enough? Or should you do it Monday - Friday after you have been off of work all day? Is that enough or too much?
I think it's enough when you feel like your workload has been done. If you taking the time out to call an elder in the family to check on them or if you just take them dinner, or whatever will make you feel good inside, that's when it's enough. It can vary from person to person, but only you know how much you can do, and what will make you feel content with what you are doing. You know sometimes you do things, but don't feel content.. you think in your mind.. I could have done more... I could have went to Bible study, I could have stayed around longer, etc... Now, after thinking about it... This is about to take a turn.. :-)
new update... I think you can do enough but still have thoughts that you haven't done enough. I think that is just the human way of thinking. You could take your significant other out for dinner and still think, "I hope he/she likes this... I hope they are enjoying it.." As human, I guess we always second guess our actions. We always want to know the answer to the question we can't answer, "WHAT IF".
"What if" I would have dated that guy/girl in HS that liked me ...
"What if" I majored in ...
"What if" I took that job in ...
On the topic of what if... I think some people need to just accept life for what it is. If you are living and are healthy, and are in good situations, be thankful. Ignorance is bliss. You might not want to see yourself if you went down the other road. That's one thing with life, you are on the road, come to a fork, and take a right, but life gives you the knowledge to build your own side street and you might end up where the left turn would have brought you out at..
But back to "what if"... I'm a scientific type guy, so I'm gonna bring out a phenomena called the "Butterfly Effect". :-) If you've seen the movie, you know what I'm talking about. The Butterfly Effect is a major concept in Chaos Theory. It encapsulates the more technical notion of sensitive dependence on initial conditions in chaos theory. In English terms, it is possible for the flap of a butterfly's wings in Tahiti to trigger a Kansas tornado. But in reference to what if.. if you change something in the past, due to the initial conditions and the dependence on chronological events, everything you know now will change. Deep....
Enough rambling for today. I also want to say thanks for guests who have been posting comments. I didn't know people actually read what I write, but I guess they do. Thank you, Thank you.. you're far too kind...
BWright
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Too Good To Be True
I have a big problem with people in general.. why when something good comes along, you always try to find reasons why it isn't good... you have these thoughts that it is too good to be true. Everything that is good is not too good to be true. Some things are really a blessing and something you should cherish.
Well, anyways, I'm going to start typing in this blog at least once a day. I know I said it before, but I'm really about to get on it now. Thanks to gentleman101 for reminding me about my blog! :-)
What else... my life feels so out of whack right now, but at the same time, it feels so good. Weird isn't it. I still need to make some changes though. First change, my finances. I need to stop spending money so much and I need to start saving more of it. I may even get a part time job for a minute to stack up on some benefits and to save up so I can buy a new TV. I've been wanting this TV for a minute, and I'm about to make it happen. :-)
BWright
Well, anyways, I'm going to start typing in this blog at least once a day. I know I said it before, but I'm really about to get on it now. Thanks to gentleman101 for reminding me about my blog! :-)
What else... my life feels so out of whack right now, but at the same time, it feels so good. Weird isn't it. I still need to make some changes though. First change, my finances. I need to stop spending money so much and I need to start saving more of it. I may even get a part time job for a minute to stack up on some benefits and to save up so I can buy a new TV. I've been wanting this TV for a minute, and I'm about to make it happen. :-)
BWright
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Friday, July 22, 2005
Time... My Best Friend.. What I've Been Waiting For..
Well... I got the call I've been waiting for... for the last three months plus... I finally got it... Boy was it so many mixed emotions... Things have changed, big changes.. but it was like I didn't care.. Excitement, anger, shock, hatred, betrayal, happiness, joy, warm fuzzies.. Wow... can a person feel all of those at once...? But they all died down and became a few feelings... calmness, at ease, understanding... and the big one... the rekindlement of love... Only a few weeks ago, I used to tell myself that love had nothing to do with anything... love was only a part of the big picture, but now I'm seeing the real true power of love... true love... what a beautiful thing.. it does exist.. How can one octave of a person's voice make a small flame and make it into an engulfing fire, it's amazing. Now, God, I pray to you that you lead me in the way that you deem necessary.. guide me in the path to which you would want me to go and help me understand all of this... I feel like a new path in my life is being made... I'm excited to be able to find out if I'll be able to see the new scenery..
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Why?
Let me start off by saying sorry that I've been neglecting my blog lately... I've been busy working on other projects, etc. But I'm going to start this one off by saying why must this whole "courting" thing be such a game. I don't know why, but I don't like it...
Anyways, on other news... I did a sad thing a few nights ago... I wrote a hand-written letter. Yeah, I know this is 2005 and emailing is quicker, but it was something I've been wanting to do for a while, so I made a stab at it. It ended up being three pages long, but it gave me a sense of closure... a feeling that I didn't want have. Then there is my mom asking if I heard from her. It's enough to make you go crazy. So, yet in still, I continue on on this journey in life, peeping behind every bush and checking every nook and cranny so I won't be sure I forgot anything. This entry is every where right about now.. but that's enough for now.. I'm off to do a remix to "Set It Off" by Young Gunz... R.O.C.... Roca-Fella ya'll..
BWright
By the way, I got my LiveStrong bracelets today that I bought on EBay.. I miss you Aunt Silvia, Rest In Peace..
Anyways, on other news... I did a sad thing a few nights ago... I wrote a hand-written letter. Yeah, I know this is 2005 and emailing is quicker, but it was something I've been wanting to do for a while, so I made a stab at it. It ended up being three pages long, but it gave me a sense of closure... a feeling that I didn't want have. Then there is my mom asking if I heard from her. It's enough to make you go crazy. So, yet in still, I continue on on this journey in life, peeping behind every bush and checking every nook and cranny so I won't be sure I forgot anything. This entry is every where right about now.. but that's enough for now.. I'm off to do a remix to "Set It Off" by Young Gunz... R.O.C.... Roca-Fella ya'll..
BWright
Tuesday, July 5, 2005
The Eye Opener
Wow... What a weekend... That's all I can say... I'm still wowed... :-) Anyways, I took the journey down to Essence Festival 2005 (Yeah, it's been a while, since 2002).. but from now on, I'll be there!! I had the greatest time.. saw and met a lot of celebs.. and pictures will be up on my picture site soon... It was also an eye opener!
Let's see.. I saw Baby from Cash Money outside of the W... he was cool, taking pictures and talking to people, telling them where to go and stuff... then I saw R. Hamilton from the Detroit Pistons.. he was on Bourbon chillin'... I saw 2 of the 4 women from Girlfriends... WOW.. :-) Then I met TQ up on Decatur Street when I got out of the House of Blues... In the HOB, I saw Trina and Freeway (It's the ROC!)... Trina is the baddest... case closed.. Umm... and I met/saw so many other people... I even saw people I haven't seen in years... people from my list serv, etc.. It was bananas.. :-) B-A-N-A-N-A-S... Now back to reality ! This weekend I'll be at home in Warner Robins, so that'll be cool.. get to see my little brother and stuff.. his b-day is next Tuesday.. Happy B-Day B!!
BWright
Let's see.. I saw Baby from Cash Money outside of the W... he was cool, taking pictures and talking to people, telling them where to go and stuff... then I saw R. Hamilton from the Detroit Pistons.. he was on Bourbon chillin'... I saw 2 of the 4 women from Girlfriends... WOW.. :-) Then I met TQ up on Decatur Street when I got out of the House of Blues... In the HOB, I saw Trina and Freeway (It's the ROC!)... Trina is the baddest... case closed.. Umm... and I met/saw so many other people... I even saw people I haven't seen in years... people from my list serv, etc.. It was bananas.. :-) B-A-N-A-N-A-S... Now back to reality ! This weekend I'll be at home in Warner Robins, so that'll be cool.. get to see my little brother and stuff.. his b-day is next Tuesday.. Happy B-Day B!!
BWright
Monday, June 27, 2005
Another Monday, Another Week
I think today will make the fifth or sixth week, I don't know. This is the time when you make it or break it... But anyways, I had a good weekend... I had some friends come over on Saturday and we kicked it and yesterday I spent some time with my mother. She's staying a week down here so I'll get some time to spend with her. I cannot wait until this weekend! July 4th weekend, and I'll be in New Orleans for the Essence Festival. I caught a good deal on a room. I always wanted to take her there, maybe I will get the chance one day.. or maybe next lifetime...
bw
bw
Friday, June 24, 2005
More Inspiration
Wow, I just watched a powerful video by my favorite group, 112. I had to give my take on it. The song is on their new album, Pleasure & Pain, and the song's title is, What If. It asks a lot of legitimate questions regarding relationships of men and women. Here are the lyrics from the first verse.
What if I never slept around, never cheated on you girl/What if I didn’t break your heart and never ever ruined you world/What if I always was a real man, faced you face to face told you the truth?/What If I never ever tripped when you said you wanted to go out and hang with your crew?/What if I was a different man, than I was? What if I wasn’t so selfish and took one second just to listen to you/What if I was alone? On my own/What if I wasn’t so damn controlling, you would still be right here
Well, in the video, Mike has an argument with his girl, then she gets upset and leaves, and ends up getting in a car accident and died... I was like wow... That's some deep stuff... Life is too short to let petty things get in the way of a good relationship. I know many of us have learned that the hard way... I'm still learning. What if...
BW
What if I never slept around, never cheated on you girl/What if I didn’t break your heart and never ever ruined you world/What if I always was a real man, faced you face to face told you the truth?/What If I never ever tripped when you said you wanted to go out and hang with your crew?/What if I was a different man, than I was? What if I wasn’t so selfish and took one second just to listen to you/What if I was alone? On my own/What if I wasn’t so damn controlling, you would still be right here
Well, in the video, Mike has an argument with his girl, then she gets upset and leaves, and ends up getting in a car accident and died... I was like wow... That's some deep stuff... Life is too short to let petty things get in the way of a good relationship. I know many of us have learned that the hard way... I'm still learning. What if...
BW
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Middle of the Week
It's another Hump Day, into the 5th week. Tonight I gotta finish cleaning up my house and possibly do some yard work. I'm about to plant some flowers in the front yard, but I have to dig up some of the sod and put it in the backyard before I start. I'm sure it'll be enjoyable. I gotta stay busy though. The busier I stay, the better I feel. I need to clean my grill also. I used it one night to cook some bratwursts.. and they were great. I feel like some crabs this weekend so I'll probably go pick some up and cook them outside in the backyard. Ahhh.. the summer time...
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Ironic
The irony of it all... Today one of my co-workers asked me to go shopping with him.. It seem odd, then I thought about it.... RING SHOPPING... He confirmed this was it. Reminds me of all the days I went ring shopping, but couldn't find the "one." With an investment like that, you have to find the right one, just like when you're finding a wife. Who knows, I might go in there and buy me one too. But then I think about it, and I don't think that'll be a wise move. It's been a month so far and only contact has been an email and one late night phone call. Makes me wonder, I wonder if feelings are mutual. If her thoughts are consumed of me, as mine are with her. If she picks up the phone to call, then puts it back down. All I can do is pray about it. But anyways, back to the ring shopping. I felt honored that he asked me to go. He's a lucky guy... when you get to that point when you go shopping, it's great... But it can be all taken away with just a few actions and words...
Sunday, June 19, 2005
thoughts of an idle mind
when i lost you, i thought i would be just fine and could move on. boy was I wrong. when i lost you, i lost a part of me. a part that i want back so bad, but once a good girl is gone, like jay says, she's gone forever. so i continue on with these emotions, thoughts, and daydreams, lost in their whirlwind. love feels so good, and hurts so bad. another love rollercoaster has started, twirled me around and around, and let me off when the ride is over, leaving me disoriented, yet joyous. yes, i said it, joyous. days were not always bad, but also good. forget good, they were blissful. walks on the beach, candlelight dinners, trips out of town, walks downtown. memories i'll keep dear to my heart. well, now it's time to go, this amusement park named life. time for myself to draw myself to another ride so i can again go on this rollercoaster named love. i fear not, it may be new, but sure to be exciting, but in the back of my mind, i'll always want to get on that 2nd one, and stay on that one forever.
bwright
bwright
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
New Day
I really don't have much to put down right now, but I just want to say thank God for family and friends. They will help you out and sometimes don't even know they are helping you out... I have some great friends and I'm go glad that they are in my life.
BWright
BWright
Monday, June 13, 2005
Mistaken Thoughts of the Mind
Well, this is my first post back on here in a while... I needed to put some thoughts on paper about some feelings that I had inside of me. The title of this post is "Mistaken Thoughts of the Mind." I know many of you have had something set in your mind and you knew that it was no doubt about it. What happens when it is not true. You were wrong, the unthinkable happened... Wow.. what a feeling...
For example, you study hard for a test, no doubt in your head that you'll pass it... then you get an F... As my boy Kevin says, you get that cold slap of reality...
In my case, I thought I could get over something. Thought I could not worry about it and just let it be, and let God work his magic for me, whether it was good or bad. Well, then something that I expected and wanted to happen, didn't happen. I thought I would be ok with it, but sometime during the wee hours of the morning, I felt myself break down. It wasn't good. It cut me deep, gashed me actually. Even with a sincere apology, I couldn't grasp my feelings. So many, so many types. I realized I'm no where near over it, and for the past three weeks, I've been so wrong. I've been trying to force myself to get over it, something I said that I can't allow myself to do, and I've been fooling myself. Time will have to be my best friend.
I should have noticed the signs. Like Usher said, I had it bad. It's bad when you see fog lights on a car and have to turn your head to see what type of car it is. It's bad when you see a car of a certain body style and color and almost get your self in a wreck by trying to look too hard. It's bad when you check your cell phone three or four times a night to see if you missed a call or a text message. It's bad when you check your watch and don't worry about what you have to do, but think about the schedule of someone else.
It's amazing how one event can open up a can of worms... feelings of all sorts, and you strive to reach that one moment of clarity... I had a temporal moment, but has since become cloudy with more thoughts than the human brain can muster. Thoughts of who was right, who was wrong, and if that should have been an issue... Thoughts of losing a friend, a good one, who put your in your placed when you needed to be put there, Thoughts of have you just lost the best thing to ever happen to you... Thoughts of life, love, and that everlasting pursuit of happiness...
For example, you study hard for a test, no doubt in your head that you'll pass it... then you get an F... As my boy Kevin says, you get that cold slap of reality...
In my case, I thought I could get over something. Thought I could not worry about it and just let it be, and let God work his magic for me, whether it was good or bad. Well, then something that I expected and wanted to happen, didn't happen. I thought I would be ok with it, but sometime during the wee hours of the morning, I felt myself break down. It wasn't good. It cut me deep, gashed me actually. Even with a sincere apology, I couldn't grasp my feelings. So many, so many types. I realized I'm no where near over it, and for the past three weeks, I've been so wrong. I've been trying to force myself to get over it, something I said that I can't allow myself to do, and I've been fooling myself. Time will have to be my best friend.
I should have noticed the signs. Like Usher said, I had it bad. It's bad when you see fog lights on a car and have to turn your head to see what type of car it is. It's bad when you see a car of a certain body style and color and almost get your self in a wreck by trying to look too hard. It's bad when you check your cell phone three or four times a night to see if you missed a call or a text message. It's bad when you check your watch and don't worry about what you have to do, but think about the schedule of someone else.
It's amazing how one event can open up a can of worms... feelings of all sorts, and you strive to reach that one moment of clarity... I had a temporal moment, but has since become cloudy with more thoughts than the human brain can muster. Thoughts of who was right, who was wrong, and if that should have been an issue... Thoughts of losing a friend, a good one, who put your in your placed when you needed to be put there, Thoughts of have you just lost the best thing to ever happen to you... Thoughts of life, love, and that everlasting pursuit of happiness...
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