Mistaken Thoughts of the Mind

Well, this is my first post back on here in a while... I needed to put some thoughts on paper about some feelings that I had inside of me. The title of this post is "Mistaken Thoughts of the Mind." I know many of you have had something set in your mind and you knew that it was no doubt about it. What happens when it is not true. You were wrong, the unthinkable happened... Wow.. what a feeling...

For example, you study hard for a test, no doubt in your head that you'll pass it... then you get an F... As my boy Kevin says, you get that cold slap of reality...

In my case, I thought I could get over something. Thought I could not worry about it and just let it be, and let God work his magic for me, whether it was good or bad. Well, then something that I expected and wanted to happen, didn't happen. I thought I would be ok with it, but sometime during the wee hours of the morning, I felt myself break down. It wasn't good. It cut me deep, gashed me actually. Even with a sincere apology, I couldn't grasp my feelings. So many, so many types. I realized I'm no where near over it, and for the past three weeks, I've been so wrong. I've been trying to force myself to get over it, something I said that I can't allow myself to do, and I've been fooling myself. Time will have to be my best friend.

I should have noticed the signs. Like Usher said, I had it bad. It's bad when you see fog lights on a car and have to turn your head to see what type of car it is. It's bad when you see a car of a certain body style and color and almost get your self in a wreck by trying to look too hard. It's bad when you check your cell phone three or four times a night to see if you missed a call or a text message. It's bad when you check your watch and don't worry about what you have to do, but think about the schedule of someone else.

It's amazing how one event can open up a can of worms... feelings of all sorts, and you strive to reach that one moment of clarity... I had a temporal moment, but has since become cloudy with more thoughts than the human brain can muster. Thoughts of who was right, who was wrong, and if that should have been an issue... Thoughts of losing a friend, a good one, who put your in your placed when you needed to be put there, Thoughts of have you just lost the best thing to ever happen to you... Thoughts of life, love, and that everlasting pursuit of happiness...